Phew.....

Okay, a personal break before the last cocky condom comment.

This week has been nutts. I am officially burnt out, and what's sad is that I'm not burnt out so much from the huge jump in time commitment that BUSSA dealt me this week, but the thought of all the shit I have to do in the next few months.

First there's the biggie....grad school.

I have the GRE in two weeks. I have to move on my letters of recommendation, really soon! I have to write my personal statement. I have to meet with certain professors. It's driving me crazy to have this stuff hanging over me. I need a weekend to devote myself to it, but I won't get one...so I'll have to work it in when free time pops up.

Then there are classes.

Thank god I decided to stick to 12 units this semester. I can barely manage to keep up with the readings. I just can't get my heart into it. And now midterms and papers are starting to loom. Argh.

I never had Senioritis this bad in high school. I loved having studio last semester, it kept me on my toes. But this semester my mind has wandered elsewhere. This week, it's obviously been in LA.

I really want to ENJOY my last undergrad year here. I want to have fun with my friends. I want to take advantage of all the special Cal activities and events, and let myself get totally caught up in the spirit engulfing the campus this fall because of our football team. And by and large, I am letting myself do that. However, I need to draw the line somewhere and begin to crack down on the not-so-fun tasks that lay ahead.

Then there's Mountain View politics. The preservation debacle has finally wound down. My organization needs leadership now, or else it risks falling apart after over two years of heartache. I just don't have the time to devote myself to it like I used to. I haven't even had time to update the web page, and I feel really guilty about that. On the bright side...Cal is offering, for the first time....a class on historic preservation next semester. I hope it fits in my schedule.

And finally....my family. Wow. Going home to MV is such a mixed bag now. I love spending time with my parents, but a huge rain cloud looms over Pettis Avenue. My grandma is very depressed, and it can't help but get to me. It just wears me down and sucks the spirit out of me every time I see her cry. It makes me sad and angry at the same time. I need to learn to not let it affect me so much, but it does. Life is tough, things are changing, we're in a time of instability and transition. It's tough to hold it together, but I know we will.

So ya. That is an inside look behind what is floating around my head right now. I'll let it float there for another weekend, because THIS weekend, its about the Bears and the Trojans, and about me having a good time with my friends in La-la-land.

...and hey, maybe I'll get some reading done during the car ride.