Look, my blog has titles now! Fun.
So I just sent Dan all the songs from Death Cab for Cutie's new album "Plans" (which I ripped from Chris, who buys CDs much more often than I do). Anyhow this one song, "What Sara Said" is so sad. That said, me posting these has nothing to do with the way I feel right now. Quite happy actually, I just think these are really sad, beautiful lyrics. So read on:
What Sara Said
-Death Cab for Cutie
And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I’ve already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me
Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself
‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes ‘round and everyone lift their heads
But I’m thinking of what Sara said
That love is watching someone die
So who’s gonna watch you die?
The world according to a Mexigue..or a Portumex. Or a "fine Indian brotha" according to crazy homeless man that wandered into Blondies Pizza.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Starry Nights
City Lights
Coming Down over me
Tonight my dad came to Berkeley so my brother and I could celebrate his birthday with him (mom's on a business trip). We had Zachary's (yum) and then he had a special request...one of his "life goals"...go down the big stone slide at Cordonices Park.
So, we head up to Northside, where I haven't ventured too often since grad school started. It's dark, and warm, a pleasant evening. We take that drive up Euclid which I walked and was driven up countless times, and the weird feeling of knowing that we weren't heading "home" to the Pink House began to hit me. We get out and all slid down that crazy slide together a few times (even Shirley conquered her fear, haha). It was a lot of fun.
After though, we did something I've kind of avoided doing since May. We went down Scenic Avenue past the Pink House. And there it was, my home of two years. The first "home" I've ever had to leave behind.
It was hard to see it, with no party lights in the living room window. To glimpse inside its windows and not see the shadows of Lauren, or Ryan, or Erik, Eric and Dan. To not be able to park and head up that staircase and into a place that was not so long ago our home.
Hard to believe it's been about four months since I've seen the place. My last look was from the rear window of my parents car as they drove down Rose Street to drop me off at the airport to go to Lisbon. It was the day after graduation. I had stayed up all night with Erik...talking, looking at photos, and then sitting in silence in the living room as the sun slowly lit up the view of the Bay from our living room window and Candice pulled up the street to take him to the airport.
That last time I saw the house through the car's windows, I was crying. It hurt, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Of course, it wasn't just leaving the house that got to me, there was a lot more to it than that ugly pink box. It was everything that the pink box contained, especially that last semester. I grew up there, became proud of who I was and I solidified friendships that will last a lifetime within its walls. It felt terrible to leave knowing that I could never come back to it.
Tonight, being on Scenic brought back that feeling. As we drove past the house and down the street towards Cedar so many memories flew by all at once. All the times I walked down that street with my friends, especially the times at night. Going to bonfire singing Cal songs with Erik and Lauren, heading to a party already half-drunk with Lauren and Ryan, or with Erik and Dan on our way to meet Kat to go hike up the Big C one last time as Cal students....for a moment it felt like all of you were right there with me.
We hit Cedar, and I called Lauren in USC. We reminisced a little on the phone and she of course said something like "but you have your new friends now". I do have new friends, new experiences that are making this particular time in my life pretty special in its own way.
But Berkeley is a different place now and there was something down right magical about my first four years here that can't be replaced by what happens in the next two.
City Lights
Coming Down over me
Tonight my dad came to Berkeley so my brother and I could celebrate his birthday with him (mom's on a business trip). We had Zachary's (yum) and then he had a special request...one of his "life goals"...go down the big stone slide at Cordonices Park.
So, we head up to Northside, where I haven't ventured too often since grad school started. It's dark, and warm, a pleasant evening. We take that drive up Euclid which I walked and was driven up countless times, and the weird feeling of knowing that we weren't heading "home" to the Pink House began to hit me. We get out and all slid down that crazy slide together a few times (even Shirley conquered her fear, haha). It was a lot of fun.
After though, we did something I've kind of avoided doing since May. We went down Scenic Avenue past the Pink House. And there it was, my home of two years. The first "home" I've ever had to leave behind.
It was hard to see it, with no party lights in the living room window. To glimpse inside its windows and not see the shadows of Lauren, or Ryan, or Erik, Eric and Dan. To not be able to park and head up that staircase and into a place that was not so long ago our home.
Hard to believe it's been about four months since I've seen the place. My last look was from the rear window of my parents car as they drove down Rose Street to drop me off at the airport to go to Lisbon. It was the day after graduation. I had stayed up all night with Erik...talking, looking at photos, and then sitting in silence in the living room as the sun slowly lit up the view of the Bay from our living room window and Candice pulled up the street to take him to the airport.
That last time I saw the house through the car's windows, I was crying. It hurt, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Of course, it wasn't just leaving the house that got to me, there was a lot more to it than that ugly pink box. It was everything that the pink box contained, especially that last semester. I grew up there, became proud of who I was and I solidified friendships that will last a lifetime within its walls. It felt terrible to leave knowing that I could never come back to it.
Tonight, being on Scenic brought back that feeling. As we drove past the house and down the street towards Cedar so many memories flew by all at once. All the times I walked down that street with my friends, especially the times at night. Going to bonfire singing Cal songs with Erik and Lauren, heading to a party already half-drunk with Lauren and Ryan, or with Erik and Dan on our way to meet Kat to go hike up the Big C one last time as Cal students....for a moment it felt like all of you were right there with me.
We hit Cedar, and I called Lauren in USC. We reminisced a little on the phone and she of course said something like "but you have your new friends now". I do have new friends, new experiences that are making this particular time in my life pretty special in its own way.
But Berkeley is a different place now and there was something down right magical about my first four years here that can't be replaced by what happens in the next two.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
My ears are still ringing.
The Green Day/Jimmy Eat World concert was awesome. What a show. Jimmy though is much better in a smaller venue, but it was still fun to see them. Green Day rocked the place and Dan and I had so much fun down there near the stage on the field. No doubt one of the most impressive concerts I have ever been to.
It's kind of amazing how much I've been cramming into my weekends so far this semester. It makes me wonder what I was doing my whole time as an undergrad here. I didn't have that much homework. I guess I just spent a lot of time sitting around the house relaxing or going home to Mountain View. Both of which, I must say, can be equally enjoyable at times.
But the running joke with a few of the friends I've made in grad school is that I didn't do my undergrad here...because when they ask me "Oh Nick, have you heard about this place here in Berkeley" or "Hey Nick, have you been to this bar" or, "Hey Nick, what's your favorite place to go in Tilden Park"....I often don't have an answer. It's really strange, but kind of good in a way since it seems like it's gonna take more than another two years for me to ever get bored with this place.
But after a thursday of happy houring, a friday of partying, and a saturday of hiking/concert going...it's now time for a sunday of work. School, you know. It's the whole reason I'm here.
Right?
Right.
The Green Day/Jimmy Eat World concert was awesome. What a show. Jimmy though is much better in a smaller venue, but it was still fun to see them. Green Day rocked the place and Dan and I had so much fun down there near the stage on the field. No doubt one of the most impressive concerts I have ever been to.
It's kind of amazing how much I've been cramming into my weekends so far this semester. It makes me wonder what I was doing my whole time as an undergrad here. I didn't have that much homework. I guess I just spent a lot of time sitting around the house relaxing or going home to Mountain View. Both of which, I must say, can be equally enjoyable at times.
But the running joke with a few of the friends I've made in grad school is that I didn't do my undergrad here...because when they ask me "Oh Nick, have you heard about this place here in Berkeley" or "Hey Nick, have you been to this bar" or, "Hey Nick, what's your favorite place to go in Tilden Park"....I often don't have an answer. It's really strange, but kind of good in a way since it seems like it's gonna take more than another two years for me to ever get bored with this place.
But after a thursday of happy houring, a friday of partying, and a saturday of hiking/concert going...it's now time for a sunday of work. School, you know. It's the whole reason I'm here.
Right?
Right.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Hi there.
It's been a while since I updated this here blog, as my dear friend Miss Profeit has pointed out. I have my reasons.
So, how have I been doing? Quite well I suppose. There's been plenty more ups than downs to this first month of grad school. It's been much easier to make friends and connect with people than I ever had hoped. I'm pretty happy. I feel like I'm smiling a lot more, laughing a lot more, and have a more balanced mix of school and social life.
Some pressure was taken off my back with the book project. I got the submission deadline extended by a few months, so phew. But I need to keep myself from slacking, I want to treat things like it's still due January. School work hasn't been that bad yet...all though things are quickly starting to pile up. But I'm used to that. Berkeley is still Berkeley.
Cal had a really exciting game against Illinois this Saturday, and I had the pleasure of giving my dad's season tickets to two new foreign planning students who really appreciated and enjoyed the experience. It was a lot of fun to see the whole thing through their eyes.
And UC Davis, holy bejesus! They beat Stanfart...with a touchdown in the last 8 seconds of the game! Amazing! I'm so happy for Chris and those 10,000 Aggie fans that made it down to the farm. It's great that he was able to be a part of such a huge thing for his school. Poor Stanford though. Cal's rivalry with them is already one-sided enough. They need to do something to boost spirit at the farm....it's no fun to have a rival that just doesn't care anymore. Ha.
In other news, that job I was looking for? The one that would fit in my schedule and give me some spending money and not be very hard or involve working in retail? It fell from the sky and into my lap this morning. I've been offered a readership for an urban design class I took as an undergrad. Which...is just, perfect.
And today, well today I felt very productive. I did a fine job playing the role of a Feng Shui expert at my urban form theorist debate. I pretty much finished my letter of recommendation for my professor's tenure app. I spent a nice hour or so enjoying the sunshine on the lawn near Kroeber Fountain talking to Preeti. The two of us then rearranged my room, and I like the way it looks and feels now a lot better. Dan took me to the grocery and Long's and I bought lots of stuff I needed, and we both got RSF memberships. Preeti made us baked potatoes at her place for dinner. I finally updated this thing, and in a few minutes I'll be doing some late night studying with a friend.
So yeah. That's the laundry list of my life right now. It's going pretty well.
It's been a while since I updated this here blog, as my dear friend Miss Profeit has pointed out. I have my reasons.
So, how have I been doing? Quite well I suppose. There's been plenty more ups than downs to this first month of grad school. It's been much easier to make friends and connect with people than I ever had hoped. I'm pretty happy. I feel like I'm smiling a lot more, laughing a lot more, and have a more balanced mix of school and social life.
Some pressure was taken off my back with the book project. I got the submission deadline extended by a few months, so phew. But I need to keep myself from slacking, I want to treat things like it's still due January. School work hasn't been that bad yet...all though things are quickly starting to pile up. But I'm used to that. Berkeley is still Berkeley.
Cal had a really exciting game against Illinois this Saturday, and I had the pleasure of giving my dad's season tickets to two new foreign planning students who really appreciated and enjoyed the experience. It was a lot of fun to see the whole thing through their eyes.
And UC Davis, holy bejesus! They beat Stanfart...with a touchdown in the last 8 seconds of the game! Amazing! I'm so happy for Chris and those 10,000 Aggie fans that made it down to the farm. It's great that he was able to be a part of such a huge thing for his school. Poor Stanford though. Cal's rivalry with them is already one-sided enough. They need to do something to boost spirit at the farm....it's no fun to have a rival that just doesn't care anymore. Ha.
In other news, that job I was looking for? The one that would fit in my schedule and give me some spending money and not be very hard or involve working in retail? It fell from the sky and into my lap this morning. I've been offered a readership for an urban design class I took as an undergrad. Which...is just, perfect.
And today, well today I felt very productive. I did a fine job playing the role of a Feng Shui expert at my urban form theorist debate. I pretty much finished my letter of recommendation for my professor's tenure app. I spent a nice hour or so enjoying the sunshine on the lawn near Kroeber Fountain talking to Preeti. The two of us then rearranged my room, and I like the way it looks and feels now a lot better. Dan took me to the grocery and Long's and I bought lots of stuff I needed, and we both got RSF memberships. Preeti made us baked potatoes at her place for dinner. I finally updated this thing, and in a few minutes I'll be doing some late night studying with a friend.
So yeah. That's the laundry list of my life right now. It's going pretty well.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
d i r t i candi: i would probably stay on the west coast
d i r t i candi: of africa
d i r t i candi: but if i lived there
d i r t i candi: you'd have to visit
Nap98: hehe
d i r t i candi: i'm not going to med school until like 2009
d i r t i candi: isn't that sad?
Nap98: will i get to see giraffes?
d i r t i candi: i'll buy one and name it after you
Nap98: yay!
d i r t i candi: and keep it on my giant african ranch
d i r t i candi: or name it whatever you want
Nap98: ooooooOhh
d i r t i candi: i dunno how you'd feel if i named a giraffe after you
Nap98: Steve
d i r t i candi: why steve?
Nap98: i like naming random things Steve
Nap98: it makes me laugh
Nap98: a dog named Steve
Nap98: hahahahah
Nap98: a giraffe named Steve is like 10x funnier
d i r t i candi: lol
d i r t i candi: okay, it's your giraffe
Nap98: i'd see the Giraffe and be like "hey whats up Steve"
Nap98: and he'd be chomping on some leaves all cool and shit
d i r t i candi: omg
d i r t i candi: this is so weird
Nap98: haha
d i r t i candi: i've entered your strange fantasy naming world
Nap98: lol
d i r t i candi: i actually imagined myself saying that to a giraffe
d i r t i candi: and being very impressed with myself
Nap98: LOL
d i r t i candi: as i am sure you are
Nap98: see? see?!
d i r t i candi: i'm definitely more convinced
d i r t i candi: but that was a strange moment
d i r t i candi: hahhaa
Nap98: hehe
d i r t i candi: of africa
d i r t i candi: but if i lived there
d i r t i candi: you'd have to visit
Nap98: hehe
d i r t i candi: i'm not going to med school until like 2009
d i r t i candi: isn't that sad?
Nap98: will i get to see giraffes?
d i r t i candi: i'll buy one and name it after you
Nap98: yay!
d i r t i candi: and keep it on my giant african ranch
d i r t i candi: or name it whatever you want
Nap98: ooooooOhh
d i r t i candi: i dunno how you'd feel if i named a giraffe after you
Nap98: Steve
d i r t i candi: why steve?
Nap98: i like naming random things Steve
Nap98: it makes me laugh
Nap98: a dog named Steve
Nap98: hahahahah
Nap98: a giraffe named Steve is like 10x funnier
d i r t i candi: lol
d i r t i candi: okay, it's your giraffe
Nap98: i'd see the Giraffe and be like "hey whats up Steve"
Nap98: and he'd be chomping on some leaves all cool and shit
d i r t i candi: omg
d i r t i candi: this is so weird
Nap98: haha
d i r t i candi: i've entered your strange fantasy naming world
Nap98: lol
d i r t i candi: i actually imagined myself saying that to a giraffe
d i r t i candi: and being very impressed with myself
Nap98: LOL
d i r t i candi: as i am sure you are
Nap98: see? see?!
d i r t i candi: i'm definitely more convinced
d i r t i candi: but that was a strange moment
d i r t i candi: hahhaa
Nap98: hehe
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Ugh. Stress. I need money. I should have a job. I keep searching through CalJobs and Craigslist with the slim hope I can find some extra easy part time job that I can somehow slip into my schedule.
But I don't think I can fit any more on my plate. I kinda already have a job, a job that doesn't pay anything now but will in the future, the book. Which is my main source of stress right now because I feel like with each passing day that I don't make huge progress on it, I'm digging myself in a deeper hole once the end of the semester rolls around.
God. I need to stop whining and worrying and just start getting shit done.
But I don't think I can fit any more on my plate. I kinda already have a job, a job that doesn't pay anything now but will in the future, the book. Which is my main source of stress right now because I feel like with each passing day that I don't make huge progress on it, I'm digging myself in a deeper hole once the end of the semester rolls around.
God. I need to stop whining and worrying and just start getting shit done.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Saturday, September 03, 2005
I've got my 2005 True Blue shirt on. I've got my Cal hat on. I'm walking around my house humming Big C and the chorus of the Cal Drinking Song (The "drink, drank, druuuUNK last niiiiiGHT, drunk the night BEFORE!"...part certainly applies this time....)
The weather is still foggy, cool, and crisp. I have my California sweater in hand, but I probably won't need it. As I type nearly 60,000 alumni, students, and fans are making that trek through the campus up the hill to Strawberry Canyon....to see Cal play SacState....SacState! They'd be lucky to see half that number when I was a freshman.
Is it wrong that a major reason I came back *here* for grad school was two more Autumns of student tickets in Memorial Stadium? I'm kidding! Kinda. Haha.
I have no idea who's reading this thing now, since I've met a lot of new folks lately who might wander over here from my AIM profile or whatnot(hi!). Allow me a brief moment to explain. My enthusiasm Cal football is an anomaly. It's absurd. It doesn't quite fit. But that's why I love it.
Saturdays in Memorial Stadium. Ahhhhhhh. Bliss.
The weather is still foggy, cool, and crisp. I have my California sweater in hand, but I probably won't need it. As I type nearly 60,000 alumni, students, and fans are making that trek through the campus up the hill to Strawberry Canyon....to see Cal play SacState....SacState! They'd be lucky to see half that number when I was a freshman.
Is it wrong that a major reason I came back *here* for grad school was two more Autumns of student tickets in Memorial Stadium? I'm kidding! Kinda. Haha.
I have no idea who's reading this thing now, since I've met a lot of new folks lately who might wander over here from my AIM profile or whatnot(hi!). Allow me a brief moment to explain. My enthusiasm Cal football is an anomaly. It's absurd. It doesn't quite fit. But that's why I love it.
Saturdays in Memorial Stadium. Ahhhhhhh. Bliss.
Friday, September 02, 2005
It's hard to wrap my head around what's going on over there in New Orleans. It sounds and looks just as bad as anything any disaster movie director could come up with.
80% of one of America's greatest cities is under water. Hundreds of bodies are floating around decaying in the heat. The poorest people have been left stranded on top of their houses or in and around the Louisiana Superdome. Rescue teams are being called off due to fears of violence. Looting is out of control. There are reports of rape, attacks on hospital supply trucks, assualt..and on and on and on.....
Something went terribly wrong here. And the hurricane can only be partially be blamed for it. What we're seeing now is evidence of a huge divide between the haves who were able to evacuate, and the have-nots, predominantly minorities, who were left behind. It's a recipe for anarchy.
I've never been to New Orleans, but I'm trying to imagine what it must be like for anyone from there to hear the political leaders and newscasters use the term "if" New Orleans gets rebuilt rather than "when" New Orleans gets rebuilt.
I personally have little doubt that the city will rise from the muck. People are far too attached to place to let it go so easily. It's been nearly 100 years since a disaster of this magnitude has hit an American city. 1906, San Francisco. People thought that it was the end of San Francisco, but the city rose from the ashes better than ever before.
Relating what's happening to New Orleans with the 1906 quake though also has a very frightening flipside. Everyone says its only a matter of time before another earthquake of that magnitude tears up the Bay Area, it could happen right here on the Hayward fault. I joke about the alumni side of Memorial Stadium collapsing into a heap of dust...but the thought is terrible. If the quake is strong enough it could physically destroy many of the places we know and love. Assuming it happens in my lifetime, and assuming that I'm still here....I'll probably be very lucky to not lose someone I know because of it.
Are we at all prepared? Judging from what's happening in New Orleans, it doesn't seem like we should rely at all on the Federal Government to swoop to our rescue. If the quake devastates the poorer areas of the Bay, we could very well face the same human chaos that is plaguing New Orleans. Entire neighborhoods, entire cities, could be reduced to piles of rubble or consumed in fire. I hope this serves as a wake up call to the leaders of the Bay Area to get their act together, have their plans in place, get that bridge rebuilt, and make sure that all those rinky-dink apartment complexes that some of our poorest residents (including students) live in are brought up to snuff.
I don't know how to end this post...this has been a random jumble of thoughts I've had the past few days. So...yeah. I guess I'll just say that as a person who plans on making a living off of studying and designing cities, it's quite humbling to be reminded how very fragile they really are. Permanence is an illusion.
80% of one of America's greatest cities is under water. Hundreds of bodies are floating around decaying in the heat. The poorest people have been left stranded on top of their houses or in and around the Louisiana Superdome. Rescue teams are being called off due to fears of violence. Looting is out of control. There are reports of rape, attacks on hospital supply trucks, assualt..and on and on and on.....
Something went terribly wrong here. And the hurricane can only be partially be blamed for it. What we're seeing now is evidence of a huge divide between the haves who were able to evacuate, and the have-nots, predominantly minorities, who were left behind. It's a recipe for anarchy.
I've never been to New Orleans, but I'm trying to imagine what it must be like for anyone from there to hear the political leaders and newscasters use the term "if" New Orleans gets rebuilt rather than "when" New Orleans gets rebuilt.
I personally have little doubt that the city will rise from the muck. People are far too attached to place to let it go so easily. It's been nearly 100 years since a disaster of this magnitude has hit an American city. 1906, San Francisco. People thought that it was the end of San Francisco, but the city rose from the ashes better than ever before.
Relating what's happening to New Orleans with the 1906 quake though also has a very frightening flipside. Everyone says its only a matter of time before another earthquake of that magnitude tears up the Bay Area, it could happen right here on the Hayward fault. I joke about the alumni side of Memorial Stadium collapsing into a heap of dust...but the thought is terrible. If the quake is strong enough it could physically destroy many of the places we know and love. Assuming it happens in my lifetime, and assuming that I'm still here....I'll probably be very lucky to not lose someone I know because of it.
Are we at all prepared? Judging from what's happening in New Orleans, it doesn't seem like we should rely at all on the Federal Government to swoop to our rescue. If the quake devastates the poorer areas of the Bay, we could very well face the same human chaos that is plaguing New Orleans. Entire neighborhoods, entire cities, could be reduced to piles of rubble or consumed in fire. I hope this serves as a wake up call to the leaders of the Bay Area to get their act together, have their plans in place, get that bridge rebuilt, and make sure that all those rinky-dink apartment complexes that some of our poorest residents (including students) live in are brought up to snuff.
I don't know how to end this post...this has been a random jumble of thoughts I've had the past few days. So...yeah. I guess I'll just say that as a person who plans on making a living off of studying and designing cities, it's quite humbling to be reminded how very fragile they really are. Permanence is an illusion.