Today I met with my new advisor, a really great urban design prof who already knows me from my oh-so-distant undergrad years (harhar). We chatted for a little while about course planning and she asked me if things "felt different now."

Boy, I couldn't even begin to tell her how different Berkeley feels now.

Everything looks the same on campus. A good number of my close Cal friends remain nearby. Sproul is still filled with students. The Campanile still marks the hours with its carillion. The football team is still nationally ranked (go bears!) I see the same professors walking down the halls of Wurster. The bums still plague the sidewalks of Telegraph.

But there are so many new people I've met, so many professors I still haven't taken classes with, so much I still have not seen or experienced on this campus, in this city, or in the Bay Area. I told her that, and she seem very pleased to see me happy and confident with my choice to come back here.

There's much more to it than those things though. I've moved from Northside to Southside, and the more I think about the difference between these two sides of campus, the more I realize how highly symbolic this switch is.

I will always cherish my undergrad years...my "Northside years". Hehe. Like Northside, they were relatively quiet and peaceful. They were safe...or at least gave the impression of being so. Northside was the perfect setting for what was a very reflective time in my life.

Now I'm on Southside, I've placed myself in the middle of the milieu. I've deliberately put myself in the position to take full advantage of all that Cal and Berkeley have to offer me. I'm no longer hiding away up on a hill looking down from above on all the things I knew I was missing out on.

It's a completely new experience for me, kind of like a rollercoaster. And so far, I'm loving the ride.

All right, so I'm *officially* a Cal grad student now.

My first day of classes was all right. Kinda a mixed bag, nothing terrible, nothing that knocked my socks off. My biggest fear right now is that I become lazy/bored/distracted and not devote enough attention to school and the book. So guys, please make sure I don't slack off...

....at the same time, make sure that I don't become a social recluse either. ha. ;-)

Well, my summer vacation of 2005 is officially over. Definitely one to remember. Yep.

A bit of a convo from our favorite Golden Bear in Trojan Clothing:

Nap98: wow im all tan
l p r o f e i t: ??
Nap98: i just saw a pic of me from friday
Nap98: i look mexican
Nap98: or something
l p r o f e i t: or something
Nap98: hehe
l p r o f e i t: aren't you indian?
Nap98: oh yahhh
l p r o f e i t: haha.
Nap98: jeeze thanks for reminding me
l p r o f e i t: or something.
l p r o f e i t: that's what i'm here for
Nap98: i think they should change the "mixed/multi" category to
Nap98: "or something"
l p r o f e i t: sounds good
Nap98: i feel thats a more accurate description of my ethno-cultural identity
l p r o f e i t: haha
l p r o f e i t: you're definately "or something"
l p r o f e i t: in every way
l p r o f e i t: =)
Nap98: haha
Nap98: thanks?

This blog has had a blue and gray template since its start and has had that one photo of me that looked kinda blue too, both in color and expression. Blue's still my favorite color...but...

it's time for a change.

Ohhhhh Kat. You're so great. Haha.

TheKatsMeoW137: hey, my life's pretty boring right now...I need to keep tabs on other people...hehe
Nap98: and i need someone to talk to, so its a symbiotic relationship
TheKatsMeoW137: wow. so, if we're a lichen...am I the fungus or the bacteria?
Nap98: lets think of a better example
TheKatsMeoW137: no wait...it's algae....
Nap98: im the humming bird and your a flower
TheKatsMeoW137: right. good idea. No more lichen.
Nap98: haha

I've never been so unable to focus. I can't get myself to write the introduction to the book. I keep having brain farts..type something, delete it, type something else, delete it. Since when do I have a tough time writing about Mountain View? Ha. I wander away from my laptop (which I have deliberately unplugged from the internet) and to this computer where I sit here and busy myself with distractions such as this blog, itunes, myspace, friendster, and that other website.

I've never been so poor. I just realized this is the first summer since my sophomore year of *high school* that I haven't had some source of income to ease the pain on my wallet. And if there's any summer when I could have used the cash, this was it. I suddenly have a costly social life. Damn alcohol and gas! I'm going into the fall with the bleak prospect of living on $1000 a month, and that includes rent. So now in addition to finishing this book and starting grad school, I'm contemplating getting a part time job. Ack.

I've never been so restless. I can't quite describe this one. I feel like I'm missing out on something right now. Maybe it's a residual feeling from my not-so-distant past. It's the same type of feeling I used to get when I was at Saint Francis and knew everyone was at a party that I wasn't invited to. I keep telling myself that I'm working on it, I'm moving along just fine in my life and my goals. But I'm anxious and kinda lonely. I'm tired of being lonely.

I guess, I just can't wait for next week when I'll be back in Berkeley, when Lauren R. and Steph G. will be here from Minnesota, when I'll be surrounded by most of my friends again, going out, meeting new people and getting that excited-nervous feeling about starting grad school.

New favorite song of the moment:

Chocolate by Snow Patrol

New favorite music video of the moment:

Wake me Up When September Ends
(the iraq war-themed video has totally made me like the song even more)

All right, before headin off to bed...it's picture time!

We'll start with the Disneyland trip:

Me, Chris and our cousins pose on a Golden Dumbo.


Mikey and Vanessa decided to ham it up for this photo while Chris and I look like plywood cutouts.


My wonderful folks in front of the train station.


A break from the parks to enjoy dinner at the ESPN Sports Zone restaurant with Kat, Lesley, BJ and Erik, who is taking the pic


...and then to Knott's:

Chris and I with some attractive ladies at Knott's Berry Farm.


...and then to California Adventure:

Chris carries his lovely girlfriend Shirley after her unfortunate big toe nail injury.


That should do it for now. Night.

The lyrics to Wake Me Up When September Ends are running in a loop in the back of my mind now. I remember first hearing that song back when I bought the album in February and thinking how long it would be before it would actually be timely and appropriate to listen to.

But from where I'm sitting now, it doesn't quite fit. It's too sad.

Despite that, it's still playing in my head and every time I hear it I start to reflect on the last three months of my life.

This summer has been about pushing myself to live life to its fullest.

Portugal was an amazing way to start it off. It set the tone. It was new, and fresh, and it took me out of my comfort zone. That's helped me as the summer has progressed.

I've been able to attain a level of self-confidence that I've never had before....and my social life has never been more lively, time spent with my friends has never been more fun, rich, and fulfilling.

Lots of new people have entered my life and I'm so excited to get to know them better over the coming year. But equally important to me are the old friendships that have been renewed and stregthened.

Then there's the Mountain View book, and starting grad school...which, when compared to everything else seem like distractions sometimes. Haha. I suppose it's a bit of a rebellion, a temporary rebellion...because I know deep down I'm still very excited about both of them.

I used Mountain View stuff and school sometimes as a crutch, they helped me get by and keep myself occupied. I don't need them as much as I used to. They still mean a lot to me...but it's so good to have more than that. I think I'm having a healthy re-balancing of where I place my various priorities.

yipee! i had fun tonite. and im drunk. yay. that is all for now. goooooodnight.

After an evening of hitting up the clubs in San Francisco's Marina District with Julie and Dan, the three of us went to Julie's apartment to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I love that movie, but I immediately crashed on the couch five or ten minutes into it.

I had a series of strange dreams there on Julie's couch last night. The only one that I can still remember though, I see as a very positive sign...

I was at my house in Mountain View, and out from under the shrub beneath the window, a giant black and red spider emerged. I'd say it was about six feet long with a big fat butt. As anyone who knows me can attest to, I hate spiders. I'm afraid of them. They really creep me out.

But instead of running away from this spider or yelling for someone to squish it for me, in this dream I just looked at that ugly spider, and even though I was really scared, I raised my foot up and squashed it into black and purple goop. (nice imagery huh?)

Instead of running away, I destroyed my fear.

It's a big mental shift for me. Even during the dream I remember being surprised by my ability to squish the spider. I guess I am overcoming a lot of my fears lately. I'm growing up. I'm becoming a more full person, I'm living life.

It feels good.

Hmm. I'll take another try at writing this post later.

I'm really thankful for the close friends I've kept since grade school and high school. It means a lot that we've been able to stay close as we've grown from kids, to teenagers, to adults. We've gone through so much together, and there's so many great things that lie ahead.

So just a brief note to say that it's meant a lot to have you guys there for me, and to know you'll always be there no matter where life takes us. Every time we're together, it feels like home.

Auto response from Nap98: working on the book. the mountain view book.
mjvillareal: ur writing a book?
Nap98: ya
Nap98: every cal grad gets a book deal after graduation
mjvillareal: yeah?
mjvillareal: must be a bunch of crappy books
Nap98: hehe
mjvillareal: can u put me in it?
Nap98: ive contracted to do a photo history book on mountain view
mjvillareal: like have my name spelled vertically down a page
mjvillareal: without anyone knowing
mjvillareal: moutain view
mjvillareal: is
mjvillareal: careful
mjvillareal: honoring
mjvillareal: apes
mjvillareal: entering
mjvillareal: lounges
mjvillareal: like that!
Nap98: ill see how i can work that in
mjvillareal: ok u do it
mjvillareal: the least u can do for your cousin
mjvillareal: =)

For some reason, right now...I'm very much missing the swing set in Cordonices Park. I'm missing the delightful absurdity of a group of 20-somethings taking over a playground at dusk and swinging there hearts away. I'm missing the friends I had that did that with me, and having our house right around the corner. That is all.