I don’t look Mexican and hardley anyone knows what a Portuguese person looks like. I think when people meet me, most are forced to mentally place me in the category of “other” when it comes to race or ethnicity. So it’s not rare for me to hear things that offend me simply because people do not realize who they are talking to.

In fact recently, there's a person that I worked with on a Mountain View related issue that did just that. The first time we met, we talked a lot about the neighborhood we both lived in. We started talking about some of the problems in the neighborhood, blight, crime, destruction of historic properties, redevelopment issues...etc.

But during the discussion....my neighbor started making comments that made me cringe. This neighbor started going on about "the Mexicans" and linking them with neighborhood problems and safety issues. I let them go on for a while, and then politely let this person know I was half Mexican. My neighbor blinked, and apologized immediately.

My neighbor's racist comments were based mainly in ignorance and crass generalizations, not hate. And while their comments offended me, I accepted their apology. Even though I had just met this person, I tried to give them the benefit of a doubt and not judge their character on some off key comments.

We then had a pretty good discussion about the Mexican-American side of my family, and our history in Mountain View. My neighbor asked questions, I answered. In the process I think I broke, or at the very least challenged, some of the stereotypes and misconceptions of Mexican-Americans this person may have had. My neighbor opened up to me and let me know that they didn’t know very many Mexican-American people, and that they had a lot to learn.

`````````````

So…. Two of my friends are going through something similar to what I went through with my neighbor. They don’t know each other very well. Someone said something that was offensive to another based on race.

I’ll be frank. It was disrespectful and it bothered me. When I heard it I bit my lip and turned to look at the other person in the car who would be most offended. I didn’t say anything at the time but maybe I should have. I was surprised to hear what I heard, and thought that perhaps the person would realize that what they said was offensive and would apologize on their own. I decided to not mention it…until I realized tonight that the issue was being discussed and was causing some hard feelings.

I do not think anything less of the person that said this thing, because I know what their true character is and I know that they are a great person full of compassion and kindness. I would never label this person as racist, but I would say that their comment was racist. No one is perfect, and I think we have all said some callous and racist things we have come to regret.

I also completely understand why the offended party feels the way they do, having experienced similar situations. I think people often underestimate how hurtful certain careless comments can be. Because when someone says one thing that is racist, it’s not just the one thing that's said, hearing something like that makes you remember all the racist things you’ve heard, and makes you for a moment, feel like crap. These things should not be taken lightly.

If a personal and direct apology has not been made yet, it should be. And even though you might not know each other well, I’d like to think I do. I can safely say that both of you are excellent people. This isn’t something that can be healed by typing your personal emotions in your respective blogs. Yes, it’s slightly contradictory that I chose to address you both in my own blog, but at least this way everyone who’s involved knows where I stand.

Talk to each other directly and not through others. I think that’s all you need to do to work this out. And I do think you should work it out.